Quidditch Boys, Tennis Toys, and Football Joys
by mugglecastlover31
Summary: Crackfic. Hermione is having trouble picking her fantasy football team when Harry, Ron, and Ginny come over. Ginny drools over Fernando Torres and Ron and Harry decide fantasy quidditch teams could be a fun idea...


**A/N: **Crack!fic. Based on a strange dream I had involving Hermione and Jamie Carragher playing tennis. Or maybe it was Andy Murray. That would make more sense. But since when do dreams have to make sense?

Hermione grew up as a muggle in England. I'm pretty sure a love for football is a definite possibility. That's what this fic rests upon. Not a very well written fic since it doesn't have much plot but since when do crack!fics have to be quality pieces of literature?

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Or any of the athletes mentioned (though that would be fun).

* * *

Quidditch Boys, Tennis Toys, and Football Joys

Her eyes drooped in response to the constant glare of the computer screen that sat in front of her. This part of the summer was always tough. The sweltering heat was unusual but the stress of her task added to the indomitable discomfort that the summer heat caused.

"Gerrard...Lampard...can I even afford them? Maybe I can just buy them later in the season..." she muttered to herself.

Picking a fantasy team was not supposed to be this difficult! But after last year's disastrous team, she needed to choose carefully this year. As a result of both losing horribly in the family league and her own desire for perfection she had spent the last three days pouring over statistics about minutes played and goals saved.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up straighter. She loved football. She had foggy memories of sitting on her dad's shoulders at matches. But once she had started Hogwarts, she had only been able to attend matches in August. And even then, with the amount of studying she had to do it wasn't always possible. This year, she would be interning at the Ministry of Magic and living in London. So she'd be closer to matches and hopefully would be able to attend more.

She scrolled down on the page of stats she was reading through almost halfheartedly. Hermione thought that maybe she needed a break but her train of thought was interrupted when an owl flew through her open window and landed next to her on her bed. It was Pig.

_Hello Hermione!_

_How are you doing? This weather is quite awful isn't it?_

_Ron, Harry and I are bored here at home. Everyone else is out and we really have nowhere to go. We can't even play quidditch with just the three of us. Any chance you want to come over here and play? We'll open up the floo connection if you owl back and say you are coming. Anytime is fine. Just come and save us from our boredom!_

_Ginny_

Quidditch? Hermione really did not want to play quidditch. She was busy with her fantasy football team. But if they were that bored then maybe they could come over to her house. Her parents were spending the weekend at the beach, and Hermione had opted to stay at home to give the two of them some time alone.

Hermione put her dad's laptop aside and pulled a piece of parchment towards herself.

_Hi Ginny!_

_I know – this weather is horrible. I'm nearly dying of heat exhaustion._

_I'm sorry I can't really come over. I am in the middle of a very important task. But if the three of you want, you could come over here. It'll be something new._

_Send a short note back and I'll open the floo connection._

_Hermione_

****

"We've never visited your house have we?" Harry asked as he dusted himself off after climbing out of the fireplace.

"No," Hermione responded.

"Strange, considering we've been friends for nearly eight years," Ron said.

"Well it's a Muggle house -- Not nearly that exciting," Hermione said lightly.

"Hi Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed while clambering out of the fireplace.

Hermione responded with a hug and then the four of them stood staring at each other in the sitting room.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Ron asked.

"Actually, I was in the middle of something," Hermione said, turning to go back into her room.

The three of them followed her while Harry asked, "What?"

"I was picking my fantasy football team."

"Your what? Football is that stupid sport where no one flies isn't it?" Ron asked.

Hermione sighed. "Here we go..." she thought.

She sat down on her bed and put the computer on her lap. "Basically you pick players from any team and put them together to make you own team. The players earn points based on how they perform in matches throughout the season."

Ron's puzzlement grew. Harry looked vaguely like he had heard of this game but was still did not understand why Hermione of all people would participate. Ginny was staring at something on the wall.

"What's the point?" Ron asked.

"Well you play in leagues. Basically I'm trying to earn more points than people in my family."

"Hm," Ron said, "I guess that could be fun."

"Oh it is!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Since when do you like football?" Harry asked, "You never mentioned it at school."

"Well we were always more worried about other things at school weren't we?" Hermione responded, "I was raised in a family absolutely fanatical about football so I've always loved it. I just got results from my dad when he and my mum wrote me letters."

"But if you like sport, why don't you like quidditch?" Ron asked.

"Of course I like quidditch. I just don't like it more than studying and earning top marks. I don't like football more than that either."

"Fantasy football, Hermione?" Harry asked raising his eyebrows.

"Hey! I don't make fun of you for liking quidditch. I was raised as a muggle. I'll always like football. And part of that for my family is fighting furiously to win at fantasy football."

"What's so exciting about a sport where there is only one ball and no one flies?" Ron asked.

"Have you ever watched a football match?" Hermione asked.

"Well no. But it still sounds stupid."

"How about you come to a match with me? Then you'll see what I am talking about. The fervor, the passion, the excitement. It's so much fun!" Hermione said, looking rather like she had just returned from an exciting arithmancy lesson.

Ron just shook his head and fidgeted with Hermione's bedspread. "Do you have any food?"

"Yeah it's in the kitchen. Help yourself," Hermione responded, looking back down at the computer screen.

Harry and Ron both left her room in search of food while Ginny remained, scrutinizing the walls of Hermione's walls.

After a few minutes, Hermione finally looked up and asked, "Ginny, what _are_ you doing?"

"Who exactly are all these people?" Ginny asked pointing to the posters on Hermione's walls.

"They are all my favorite athletes."

"They are all very attractive," Ginny said with a smile on her face.

"I guess," Hermione responded.

"Who is this?" Ginny asked, pointing to one poster.

"That's Novak Djokovic. He's a pro tennis player."

"Very cute!" Ginny responded.

"Yes, I suppose he is very cute, but I just like him because he is such a good tennis player. Even though he's sort of in a slump right now... Only two minor titles this year. Rather sad actually."

"What's tennis?"

Hermione really didn't feel like explaining. "It's a sport."

Ginny nodded without interest. "Who is this?"

"That's Rafael Nadal. King of clay. But he's been out with patellar tendonitis."

"Well his face isn't that great. But all men should aspire to have arms like that..." Ginny said, staring at the poster.

Hermione raised her eyebrows at Ginny and then shook her head.

"And this one?"

"Fernando Torres. Liverpool striker."

"I want to eat him," Ginny said.

"Um, what?"

"He's so damn sexy!"

"Yes, he is rather attractive. But more than that, he is a world class striker. Simply amazing some of the stuff that he does."

"Now I understand the reason you like football."

"That is _not_ the reason I enjoy football. It is the reason for some girls but not for me. I actually played the sport and understand it. Unlike some girls who just watch for the eye candy."

"Hm. I think I might start watching football..." Ginny said still staring rather hungrily at the poster of El Niño.

Again, Hermione shook her head. She bent over the computer screen again. She had just chosen her first defender -- Jamie Carragher. She felt rather accomplished.

But she really needed a break now.

"Want to go get ice cream or something?" Hermione asked, getting up from her bed.

Ginny reluctantly tore her eyes away from the poster and nodded. "Something to cool me down would be nice right now."

Hermione rolled her eyes and went to find Harry and Ron.

She found them in front of the television. Apparently Harry had introduced Ron to the wonderment that was the telly. Both sat on the couch with a box of biscuits staring at some soap opera.

"Want to go get ice cream?" Hermione asked. Neither turned towards her -- they were glued to the television. Harry simply shook his head while Ron grunted.

"Fine, Ginny and I will be back soon."

***

An hour and a half later Hermione and Ginny reentered the Granger household. Hermione expected to find the boys sitting in the exact same position that they had been left in. But neither was in the sitting room and the television had been turned off.

"Harry? Ron?" Ginny called into the house.

"In here!" came Ron's response from Hermione's room.

"What are they doing...?" Hermione asked with trepidation as she walked towards her room.

Both were sitting on Hermione's bed. Harry had the computer in his lap and they were both staring intently at the screen.

"What -- " Hermione started to ask leaning over to see what they were looking at.

When she saw what it was, she nearly laughed out loud.

_**Fantasy Quidditch -- for the witch or wizard who wants to take their involvement in the sport to the next level! Compete with friends and family to win your league! Who will you pick? With a limit of 100 million galleons will you choose the big star names or decide to search for the hidden gems? Get cracking with our newly enhanced fantasy league and play for a chance to win tickets to the league finals!**_

It looked like Harry was working on his team, which he had ingeniously named GreenEyesFTW.

"No! Not Wilkinson! He dropped so many quaffles last season. Absolutely horrendous!" Ron exclaimed.

"What about Johsen?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, he's a pretty good right wing chaser."

"And you were making fun of me?" Hermione said in mock anger.

Ron waved him arm at her vaguely.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Come on Ginny, let me introduce you to the television," she said to the redhead.

Her team could wait.

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**A/N: **Sort of based upon my own woes when trying to pick my fantasy football team (I did end up choosing Jamie Carragher). But even after my meticulous process my teams sucks so far. Oh well.

Tennis wise I really hope Andy Murray wins the US Open this year but I doubt that will happen until he decides to be a tad more aggressive. Once he does that, he'll win for sure. Rafa won't win, his knees aren't ready for the wear and tear of a hard court grand slam this close to his comeback after a long time out from tendonitis. I hope Fed and Roddick are in the same quarter. Don't like either of them...

Anyways, sport rant over. Hopefully you enjoyed this rather random and strange fic. Reviews make me happy!


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